Have you ever woken up one morning, nothing is actually wrong, but you feel like you’ve got a huge weight on your shoulders? Or that your body aches, even though you darn well know you didn’t exercise the night before? Or that it seems to take much more concentration to smile than usual? We all have self-pity days – days where nothing is actually wrong but we can’t shake this overwhelming feeling of melancholy.
Discomfort is a natural part of life, not usually one we like to shine a light on. A part we tend to shove in a dark corner and pretend like it doesn’t exist. However, we should bring those feelings to light and talk about them so we can normalize a completely natural part of life.
Why should we embrace days of melancholy? Simple: because our partners are also having those days.
I am guilty of reveling in my melancholy days; my partner calls them my “grumpy days.” While I fully acknowledge how blessed I am to have a partner who can easily pick up on my emotions and allows me a safe space to talk about them, some days we don’t see each other. Some days I don’t have the physical safety blanket of my partner sitting right next to me.
So I’ve found a work-around.
Outside of the average business day, my partner plays in a band. I absolutely love going to his shows, standing in the crowd as he thrives with a guitar in his hands – a mixed group of his peers and complete strangers cheering him on. Shows are loud though. Every show I have been to of his, he will hand me a pair of earplugs, like clockwork. I swear, in each of my jacket pockets lie two little ear plugs. I have yet to throw them away, because every morning I stick my hands in my pocket to brace for the cold and feel their soft, malleable texture and my grumpy morning melts into an easy reassurance.
My little daily reminder that it’s okay to have gloomy days. To know I still have people who care about me and will support me through the muddy melancholy mornings.
Now, everyone doesn’t have ear plugs to keep in their pockets, so how can you apply my example to your daily life, for a reminder of the support your loved ones have for you?
I decided I should ask around to see what other’s think. Oddly enough, once I explained my concept of a daily reminder, their lips curled into a smile and they pulled out their reminders to show me.
Here are a few examples:
- My friend keeps a photo of him and his partner on his desk at work
- A coworker keeps a journal of hand-written notes from her husband in her bag
- My dad keeps a picture of my sister and myself in his wallet
- Another friend has changed her phone background to a picture of her and her partner
- My step-sister has a keychain her son made on her car keys
A daily reminder doesn’t have to be difficult, it doesn’t have to mean something to anyone else but you, and it doesn’t have to take a long time to think about. In fact, you probably already have one but aren’t consciously aware of it. I encourage you to take time today to intentionally think about your partner and what you could use to bring a little glimmer of serenity to those not so serene days.